I had that first moment this week where I just threw up my hands when I got home, cried a little, took a hot shower and called it a night. I was exhausted, overwhelmed and felt pretty terrible. I know I am not terrible, my students aren't terrible- but sometimes I just feel that way. This is hard. And it was in a few of those moments where I saw some of my own faults and that those are the best places for growth and for looking to my mentors. It is okay to ask for help. I need it. Many times this week I started to ask more questions- not just 'how do I use this equipment- or can you take a look at this'. But how in the world do I teach this? And- is this correct? Because I feel like I am going to teach these students the wrong information. Because I am the stubborn, "I can do this" lady that I am- this forces me to lay down my pride and admit my downfalls and recognize the areas I NEED to grow. It is not only that I want to grow, I need to. Those kids deserve more and better. Some of this can be because I picked up another class, which has a much different dynamic than all of my other classes and because I had poor planning practices this week. Here are my opportunities of the week, and areas I WILL grow in.
Opps:
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| Planning includes being more prepared with what I know to be difficult technical skills |
2. Rapport with the classes that I just picked up this week. It is a class I only have every other day, so I need to find ways to engage and build rapport.
3. Power Tech is hard for me in so many ways. In the student dynamic and the content. This is going to require work and require even more creativity.
If you made it to this point- you made it through the overwhelming feelings I had this week. I say that because that is the bulk of how I felt about this week- but I know it wasn't all that rocky so to convince myself that I am not crazy, and I can continue doing this, there are some pretty cool moments of the week:
Gems:
1. We applied for a grant! This is exciting to me in many ways: it will allow student to learn the skills of flower arranging AND sharing that skill with the community by teaching it. If all goes through it will take place at a community center- which if you know me, you know that community/outreach centers are close to my heart.2. I just LOVE my Foods Unwrapped class, it is where I have the best rapport, the content is really cool (really difficult as well) and I have found new ways to engage reluctant students early in the morning. Because I love to cook and hunger/poverty are close to my heart- food science and technology make sense- they are the end product of what agriculture is all about. They are the class that makes me laugh and say things like "Ms. Hack- more like Ms. Sass."
3. I am trying some cool blended learning things- and trying to use technology in purposeful ways. I have reached out to other teachers in the school that are doing neat things- and I have explored many apps and programs, I hope they enjoy them as much as I enjoy learning about them.
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| How can you not just LOVE this. These guys and two gals make me laugh so much! |
5. Intro to Ag Mech- a class I co-teach is hilarious. So many excited freshman. They learned how to use fire extinguishers this week- from a fire chief- way cool!
Here is to week 5! I will grow, and I will put some time into things DAILY that I need to. This is so hard, so exhausting, but so so worth it. And I will hang my hat on the laughs of the week: "Ms. Sass", "Are you married?", "When will you bake pie for us?" and "We get to give you a quiz if you give us one." Oh the officer that laughs at my laugh every time. At least it's contagious laughter!
Ms. Sass, you got this! :-) You have found the secret to becoming a great teacher: recognizing your own limitations, accepting the help of colleagues, and being willing to pick yourself up and give it another go. Some days, teaching is just hard work. But you are planting seeds (to use an ag analogy) in the lives of these students, and you might not be there for the harvest, or even the cultivating, or maybe even seeing the seedlings sprout. Be encouraged that YOU MATTER. You make a difference!
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl! Planning is so tough. I am trying to plan for future units but also make sure I have my head on straight for current units, and then on top of that, I am trying to fix the ones that I just did. I don't have a full load yet, so I can't even begin to imagine that struggle. But seriously, knowing you, I know that you can be a little critical of yourself (I too fall into this same trap) and the truth is that you are doing so great. You have all of the right tools, all of the right materials, and you have the heart for teaching and inspiring. And from how it sounds, I think they know you care, they just might not be showing it in the nicest way. But that's why you're there; to shape them and help them grow into the leaders of tomorrow. YOU GOT THIS. Don't doubt what you know and who you are. :)
ReplyDeleteMr. Mulder took the words right out of my mouth! Identifying you have areas you need to work in is one of the single most important things you can do to continue to grow and master teaching. Whether you may think so or not, the days where you are overwhelmed and unsure, are probably the days you are having the most impact on your personal growth and realizing the intricacies of being a teacher. I'm so proud of you. Keep doing good things!
ReplyDeleteLR
Kayla,
ReplyDeleteRemember: If it was easy, anybody would do it and you didn't come for your haircut.
YOU came to develop into a transformational change agent.
I believe you will be .....and much quicker than most, but there is a process for all.
Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. Let student teaching be your mad lab of experimentation and CHANGE things up as you need to to find the groove that is best for you!!