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Friday, July 31, 2015

It's kind of like a garden..

The grass was removed, the layers of soil were mixed and seedlings were planted. Growth is a process, for the garden and for me, and I'm okay in the process.
I wrote this one of my last days in Costa Rica, but left it like that- but there is more to it, I think it symbolizes my time in Costa Rica.

One of my projects at the school was creating a garden to be used for educational purposes. When the director showed me where he wanted the garden it was all grass, and thick grass if grass can be thick. It hadn't been worked up before and we also didn't have any garden tools, until I asked the right people.  I wondered what I was getting myself into...a lot like my first week of Spanish classes or my first research interview or my first week alone in Costa Rica.... But the grass needed to be removed and soul displayed.

The grass was removed and my quirks and ticks and  things I struggle with, or battle with were brought even more visible to me. Like stubbornness- or determination, the pain and frustration of correction, the  struggle for approval, indecisiveness, or the longing to be longed for, wanted and desired and included. The grass was removed, and just like When I took a shovel,  to he ground I ended up full of dirt and sweat in the end...

When I was half way through removing the grass I went to just about every garden store in town asked everyone that was close to an agriculturalists for advice and searched and searched and searched for prices, ideas, best practices and supplies. Similar to my search for friends, for my readings to bring encouragement and fullness,  for understanding for answers to why and to my research and advice and encouragement that I desired so badly. In times of searching there are people and places that encourage and fill it and those that don't- it's how the world works, and in vulnerability you experience all of it- just like everyone had a piece of advice about the garden, some advice made me feel like I was failing others little accomplishments.

Then it was the mixing of the soil- and I feel like I still might be in this process. It was hard ground, had grass on it for years and roots too. I cultivated the soil over and over again, making little raised beds to prepare for planting- rain and shine I was digging in the garden- and never left looking or smelling the same! But the Spanish, the longish, the friendships, the frustrations and blessings were mixed up- all together. After I added a little fertilizer before planting, to give some more nutrients to what was already worked up. The mixing of the soil and nutrients could finally settle in. I took 2 days after the entire experience in Costa Rica to go to the beach solo. And more mixing happened, but I realized how rich the soil was in my soul after leaving.

Some of the kids at school helped me and then we transplanted in the garden. But there are still some things left to transplant- and the seedlings are tiny. The markers for each seedling washed away, so I took a little more investigation to figure out which plant was which. A lot like the freshness of the garden this short 2 and 1/2 months is still fresh. I don't know what some I the "markers" are and I don't know what the plants or the experience are going to look like quite yet, or what they will mean for me, but I do know that a garden requires care, water, nutrients and rich soil but it produces fruit that is oh so good!  Growth is a process, for the garden and for me,  and I'm okay in the process and although it felt like quite the desert sometimes He is working, He is cultivating and He will use all of these experiences and this process for the Kingdom.  Thank you Costa Rica.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Surpasses All Understanding


 Okay…time to be honest with you.  I do some cool stuff here, “adventure-y” stuff, my research, helping with a garden, but that is not as fun to talk about, and I don’t get to talk about the ‘heart’ stuff very much…..so here is to sharing my heart and hoping it encourages yours.

It is the relational things that really matter….but it is also the relational things that are the most difficult.  When I am at Penn State, I have like-minded people around me, roommates, friends, Bible study friends, mentor…the list goes on and on.  I know I have believers I can talk to, I can walk with, here it’s not quite like that….  I have spent a lot of time questioning, reading and reading, and failing at keeping to my reading plan, questioning why I am here, if what I am doing matters, and if I am doing things the “right” way…..all while trying not to be stuck in my own jumbled Spanglish thoughts, and deeply desiring real relationship, deep conversations and real understanding.

But then there are moments that surpass understanding…

Walking into the church, I saw Doña Marta, who I usually sit by, she greeted me and told me how she had been thinking of me, and how happy she was to see me, I went to find a seat, but then finally moved right next to her like usual.  The sermon was about the church; what the church is and what the church isn’t….. as the pastor continued to preach things started to sink in, and some went over my head, thankfully he prints sermon notes.  The church is the body, the congregation of believers, of imperfect people, grounded in Christ.  The church isn’t just a building, it isn’t just a pastor, but the Church calls people in, the Church is in Christ. This is something I know and believe, but for some reason, it hit me again, because I’m in a foreign place- but still in the body of believers, still part of the Church….a realization I needed. 

A little later in the service, during a time of worship, I sat down.  It was one of those moments you are not really sure what to think, pray, say or sing, it was one of relief, but also crying out.  As I sat there the lady next to me simply placed her hand on me, agreeing with me in prayer.  The comfort that brought encouraged my heart even more.  As I stood up she wrapped her arms around me in a hug that I desperately needed, and began to pray for me, she had prayed for me another time and I didn’t understand it, but this I did… she started, and I remember two words distinctly, “entendimeintos” and “pensameintos” … I realized she prayed a verse over me: “y la paz de Dios, que sobrepasa todo entendimiento cuidara sus corazones y sus pensamientos en Jesús Cristo  Translation: “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in christ Jesus”.  Philippians 4:7, it is a verse I have heard and read over and over and over again- but this time it meant something totally different. 

Entendimientos: Understanding
Pensamientos: Thoughts/Minds


Surpasses ALL understanding.  The tears continued as she prayed this over me.  When she asked if I was okay, I tried to explain to her what that meant in a place where understanding has been my biggest struggle.  She continued to tell me how much HE understands more than anyone else, because He understands the heart.  I hugged her again and we turned to continue worshiping, the song: “hay victoria”.  There is victory.  And there is victory in deed.  I know He will use this later, this time in a foreign place, this time of trial and questioning and fun and laughter, jumbled thoughts, showering with a bucket, goats in the street and all.  Thanks Costa Rica, Doña Marta and all the people here that continue to show me the love and peace of Christ without words- something that will continue to surpass every ability I have to understand. Today the director of the school called me a 'gringo-tica', after the challenges and heart that I have experienced that is a title I will gladly accept.  

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Top 10

Sometimes so much happens, and I don’t know what to write about, and even days that I miss comforts of home and people… But how about 10 things I love about Costa Rica, the culture and the people.

1. The greeting. I’m not sure why, but I find it welcoming and beautiful.  It is a quick hug/arm wrap with a kiss on the cheek.  I know it sounds odd if you haven’t experienced it, but there is something so caring about it, and it is even with people you just meet. 

2. The respect for mothers and families.  It is incredible, and it is for elders and grandparents as well, it is such a rich loving respect.  I know that we have this our families too, but here because of a language and cultural barrier, sometimes I simply observe and this is one of the most beautiful things.  Mom  & Dad, Thank you I miss you and I am thankful for you daily. 

3. The Welcoming culture, I will be having dinner with the family that has a fruit stand in town this week, doors are literally always open.

4. The food. It is incredible.  Some days my clothes feel tight, others really loose.  

5. Cafecito, I think I mentioned this in a prior blog, but it is a tradition that around 4 in the afternoon we sit down, and have coffee and bread or some sort of pastry, and simply visit. Sounds perfect doesn’t it?

6. The simplicity of living, both in materials and the slower pace of society.

7. The completely random sights and sounds: the clown walking down the street, the horse on the back of a pick up truck, the closed bridge that is the sight of the town and washing my hair in a bucket a few times.

8. The Dancing- seriously, you can tell I was born in the Midwest when you put me on a dance floor full of Ticos, but thank you nice Costa Rican man that taught me how to Salsa, I will be sure to keep learning. 

9. Other gringo travelers.  Riley and Amelia have been to of the biggest blessings of friendships on this trip- there is nothing better than someone that wants to travel the world and change the world to take a long walk with and talk about everything from food, culture, relationships or past travels.

10. I love that it is hard….I didn’t think I would say that, and in the big picture it is not that hard, but I’m glad I am learning lessons about life, about the important things.  Spanish and research are important, but life, family, friends and Christ are a little more.