Defeated

Do you ever have those moments where you just want to throw your hands up in the air and yell, "I'm done...I've had enough....I give up?"  (If not I could take a lesson from you).   I have had a handful of these lately in this quest to be bilingual.  As I said in my last blog, learning the Spanish language is hard, and lately it has been a little frustrating.  Here are a few reasons why…

I had a few wake up calls these past few weeks.  First I completely shut down in Spanish class, I nearly failed my Spanish exam, and I couldn't think of any of my Spanish vocabulary when I met with my conversation partner.  To say it was a little frustrating is an understatement.  Let's start with "completely shutting down", well, I didn't understand so I asked "No entiendo. Como se dice en ingles?"  (I don’t understand, how do I say in English?) My professor responded in Spanish that the class is a Spanish Class and he was not speaking in English.  So I repeated myself, this time a little more frustrated... "no entiendo, como se dice...?"  Finally he obliged, as for me, I was done, checked out.  I attempted to complete the task, but truly was only  waiting for the clock to strike 12:30.

Fast forward, a few days I walked into that same class to take an exam, after finishing and handing my test in and walked out confident, confident that I had done poorly.  It was on me, I failed to prepare.  That same week I sat down with my conversation partner and I couldn't seem to structure a sentence to save my life.  I felt defeated.

My hands were in the air, I was ready to yell, “I’m done, I give up!”…Then it hit me, I didn’t do my homework, I made a choice not to prepare.  I was defeated in my own ability, and  I realize I am a stubborn perfectionist...and want it to come easily, but it doesn’t work like that.  

I’m driven by percentages and letters those on report cards or transcripts and those in red ink on an exam. If it is not an A or a B, it is an F in my book. (Unhealthy? Yes, a current lesson I am walking through). We live in a society that wants things and wants things now, and I have a bad case of this consumption view.  I want to learn it and I want to learn it now.  I am stubborn, and a perfectionist, two things that do not play nice with each other.  When my professor didn't respond, he had a point, I was simply being stubborn, my desire to switch back to English was a crutch, it was easier and took less effort. 

As frustrated as I get, I have to remember, it is worth it. I will have these frustrations when I go to Costa Rica, these are the frustrations my students that are learning a second language in my classroom will have.  As for this week, I will drop my pride, study a little harder, take a deep breath, laugh at my mistakes and keep trying, or as a good friend of mine once said “drink some water, take a knee and ranger on”.

More positive blog to come!

Walking in Someone Else's Shoes: Language Learning

He finally switched to English and said: “repeat after me.. do you understand?”

Well….no I didn’t, no matter how hard I tried to concentrate. So word for word, like I did when I was little I slowly repeated every word he said… then it clicked.  The phrase: “Discúlpame , no entiendo, decírmelo otra vez por favor.”   The funny thing about this phrase is it translates to, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand, can you say it again please?” 

The road to learning a second language is challenging, frustrating, but incredibly humbling, allow me to explain….

 Why?

Last summer I spent one month at a place called the “The Lord’s Pantry at Anna’s House”. I fell in love with the place, the people and the mission, I loved it.  While I was there I met Elder.  I desperately wanted to talk with him, but I couldn’t, the language barrier along with other learning challenges made it very difficult to have a conversation, even though he desperately wanted to.  I left those moments frustrated, yet with a desire  to learn the language…. I always knew I wanted to, but Elder enhanced it.  Which brings us to now, 22 years old, at Penn State attempting to learn Spanish as a second language. 

This semester I am in Spanish 100, this is considered between basic and intermediate Spanish, in my section there are about 20 of us.

Let me paint the picture…

The other day our professor asked us (in Spanish),

Do you understand? Yes? No? So,so? 

Crickets….

It was like the movie Ferris Bueller… Anyone…Anyone?

Nothing.

Silence…then finally someone spoke up quietly…

“Mas o menos” (Translation: so,so/kind of).

 I will admit, I was lost. Completely lost.  Yet I sat there and didn’t ask questions, I sat there confused, frustrated and feeling a little incompetent.  I think to myself, I am 22 years old, I can think and speak in English, do algebra problems, learn about explain the digestive and reproductive systems of cattle and answer organic chemistry questions…why is this so difficult?

Then it hit me. Because it is hard. Period. Talk about humbling.

In the United States, we can take a Spanish, French, German or any language class in high school, pass the class only somewhat understanding it and move on.  We can read a few sentences, give the basic greetings and ask the basic questions, then we move on. That’s it, fluency is not expected.  Yet we expect a student that is learning English as a second language to pick it up like the drop of a hat.  Easy right? Wrong.  Last week I sat in my Spanish class humbled, knowing that the reason I am learning this language is not just for me and my ability to communicate, but for my future students. The student that sits there just as confused and frustrated as I do in my Spanish class, except he or she may be the ONLY one.  The only one that doesn’t understand the language, the only one who has a different language than English being spoken at home, and the one that is too scared, shy or frustrated to speak up. 

I can’t imagine being the only one, thinking in my own language, hearing a foreign language and being expected to respond perfectly in a foreign language and understand the concepts and the topic being taught. 

Sure there is a perception in our country that says, “you live in America, speak our language” and yes, maybe my great grandfather was told that when he came here, and people learn it today, it is our official language. But the truth is, it's not that easy, and my heart is too big to say that to student sitting in my classroom, who is trying their hardest to learn English alongside the curriculum being taught.  Our population is changing, our schools are changing and the dynamics of the agriculture industry are changing, be it frustrating, challenging or humbling, I have decided to change too. It's hard, but it is about time I took a walk in someone else's shoes. 


Want to join me for a walk in someone else's shoes?  Think about some of these things, add a foreign language class to your schedule or join a language club.  Not sure about that? Try simply having lunch with someone that speaks English as their second language, or ask them to only speak to you in their native language and remember, and ask questions, walk in their shoes.