It's kind of like a garden..

The grass was removed, the layers of soil were mixed and seedlings were planted. Growth is a process, for the garden and for me, and I'm okay in the process.
I wrote this one of my last days in Costa Rica, but left it like that- but there is more to it, I think it symbolizes my time in Costa Rica.

One of my projects at the school was creating a garden to be used for educational purposes. When the director showed me where he wanted the garden it was all grass, and thick grass if grass can be thick. It hadn't been worked up before and we also didn't have any garden tools, until I asked the right people.  I wondered what I was getting myself into...a lot like my first week of Spanish classes or my first research interview or my first week alone in Costa Rica.... But the grass needed to be removed and soul displayed.

The grass was removed and my quirks and ticks and  things I struggle with, or battle with were brought even more visible to me. Like stubbornness- or determination, the pain and frustration of correction, the  struggle for approval, indecisiveness, or the longing to be longed for, wanted and desired and included. The grass was removed, and just like When I took a shovel,  to he ground I ended up full of dirt and sweat in the end...

When I was half way through removing the grass I went to just about every garden store in town asked everyone that was close to an agriculturalists for advice and searched and searched and searched for prices, ideas, best practices and supplies. Similar to my search for friends, for my readings to bring encouragement and fullness,  for understanding for answers to why and to my research and advice and encouragement that I desired so badly. In times of searching there are people and places that encourage and fill it and those that don't- it's how the world works, and in vulnerability you experience all of it- just like everyone had a piece of advice about the garden, some advice made me feel like I was failing others little accomplishments.

Then it was the mixing of the soil- and I feel like I still might be in this process. It was hard ground, had grass on it for years and roots too. I cultivated the soil over and over again, making little raised beds to prepare for planting- rain and shine I was digging in the garden- and never left looking or smelling the same! But the Spanish, the longish, the friendships, the frustrations and blessings were mixed up- all together. After I added a little fertilizer before planting, to give some more nutrients to what was already worked up. The mixing of the soil and nutrients could finally settle in. I took 2 days after the entire experience in Costa Rica to go to the beach solo. And more mixing happened, but I realized how rich the soil was in my soul after leaving.

Some of the kids at school helped me and then we transplanted in the garden. But there are still some things left to transplant- and the seedlings are tiny. The markers for each seedling washed away, so I took a little more investigation to figure out which plant was which. A lot like the freshness of the garden this short 2 and 1/2 months is still fresh. I don't know what some I the "markers" are and I don't know what the plants or the experience are going to look like quite yet, or what they will mean for me, but I do know that a garden requires care, water, nutrients and rich soil but it produces fruit that is oh so good!  Growth is a process, for the garden and for me,  and I'm okay in the process and although it felt like quite the desert sometimes He is working, He is cultivating and He will use all of these experiences and this process for the Kingdom.  Thank you Costa Rica.